The Bearing of Heart

It's rather a repetitive world, isn't it?

Well, for me at least it is.

Five days a week, go to work. Stick to the same schedule every week, with little to no variance.

On and on. Until when?

Until there is some change... which is far off, and actually out of sight at the moment. So out of sight, I wonder if there will ever be a change, or if I will be trapped in this repetitive cycle forever.

Wake up, work, come home, do whatever activity is always scheduled for that afternoon or evening, go back to sleep.

The weekends zip by like an intake of breath, while the weekdays lag on seemingly forever.

And the days... All the days simply slip through my fingers and disappear, leaving me wondering where they went. How so much time has possibly passed already, and why I haven't seemed to gain any ground at all. Why am I still in the same place, after all this time has passed? I have so many dreams yet to live, but my life seems to be sprinting by me before I have time to take a step.

How do you cope with days like this? Days where you feel as if you will always be in one place, doing the same things. Forever, and ever.

Do you simply survive them? Hoping, or in my case, knowing you will feel better the next day? And will be fine until the dreaded day comes again where you feel as if you cannot stand under the monotony of it all?

Do you lose yourself in writing, or friends, or music, or drawing, or something else? Trying to distract yourself, but knowing that the moment you're alone, the moment you don't have something else on your mind, it will come preying on you again? That strange feeling that is almost a dread. A fear that nothing will ever happen in your life. An impatience and longing so great you could cry.

This is what I do. I vent. I write my thoughts, in hopes that by releasing them, they will release me.

I call out to the Greatest Shinobi, asking Him for comfort, to hold me close and help me to forget, to help me through this time, and show me what He wants me to do, instead of moping around being depressed.

I know He has a plan for my life, and that whatever it is, it is good. I know that, but my flesh tries to keep that knowledge from me.  Especially at these weak times.

So there you have it... The bearing of my weak heart.

Obviously by this post, I do not think the telling of one's emotions makes one weak.  I think there is a certain strength in it, and respect those who can easily speak of their failings and emotions.  I confess, I have no little trouble in this area.  But since I needed to vent, my blog needed a new post, and I hoped it would encourage others that if they feel this way, they are not alone.  And that if they do feel like this, they can find comfort in Someone who is always ready to listen to His people.  

In the shadow of the Greatest Shinobi, Forever

~MDS